- Truckers own the road. The rest of us are just renting.
- Pickup truck drivers: PEE-YOU!
- Cats are smarter than dogs.
- What do freeway towns of similar size have in common?
- Road shoulder warning tracks are great for I-Pods.
Truckers own the road. The rest of us are just renting.
One thing that can be said about truckers: they know what they're doing on the road. They stay away from the passing lane unless necessary. They usually return quickly to the right lane after passing. Truckers sometimes perform essential functions, like blocking any pooper-snappers trying to squeeze in out of a temporarily-closed lane. The average car traveler needs to learn road etiquette. What better teacher than the truck master? Yes Sensei, wipers on, wipers off. One word of caution: if you can see the whites of the trucker's eyes and he's driving partially on the shoulder, DO NOT attempt to mimic him in any way. It would probably involve taking large quantities of amphetamines and depriving yourself of 3 days sleep. Not recommended.
Pickup truck drivers: PEE-YOU!
Unlike truckers, a pickup truck driver (PTD) pays no attention to the road rules. He stays in the left lane of a 2-lane highway even when the right lane is open and cars are breathing down his neck. In fact, any whiff of tailgating sends the PTD into a stubborn stalemate. A gun rack in the cab increases his road arrogance. A gun rack in the cab holding a loaded gun ensures the PTD thinks he is going the maximum speed allowed by any internal combustion engine. Sure, he'll move if any jet-propelled funny cars happen on by, but that's about it. Or more simply put, the gun-toting PTD doesn't give a rat's rump what anyone thinks. So macho, testosteroni-fueled PTD's with decked-out pickup trucks are to be avoided at all costs. I say to you, Mr. Pickup Truck Driver, "You stink!"
Cats are smarter than dogs.
Have you ever seen a cat lying on the side of the road on any major freeway in America? I know, never, right?? There's probably more stray cats in the U.S. than dogs and yet, they've learned through years of hereditary thoughtfulness to avoid asphalt as if their life depended on it (of course, it does!). I swear I've been driving in the middle of nowhere and seen a dog lying crumpled on the side of the road. Where did it come from? How did it get there? I have to conclude that dogs are just dumber than cats. That's the only explanation. Yeh, I'm a dog-lover. But loving a dead dog is a lot sadder than owning a live cat. Fido + rotten intuition = freeway doormat.
What do freeway towns of similar size have in common?
Every large freeway town has a Martin Luther King, Jr. Drive and a highway loop identified by a 3-digit number, usually ending in a "5".
Every mid-size freeway town has a billboard that begins with "Have you been in a car accident? Call the law firm of..."
Every small freeway town stopped counting at "2" for the number of lanes for their roads and at "1" for the number of lanes over each bridge ("One-lane bridge" is the most common phrase seen in these towns).
Road shoulder warning tracks are great for I-Pods.
I-Pods are a God-send for those long road trips. You can put your entire CD collection on a gadget that takes up less space than a car ashtray. But unless you've had the fortitude to create every possible combination of playlists before you left, you're usually stuck searching for the perfect song. Unfortunately, I love ZZ Top and the I-Pod's Artists listing is in alphabetical order. Ugh. Adding that band's music to a playlist in a speeding car is like trying to macrame while riding a unicycle. The I-Pod's scroll wheel is slower than a turtle with one leg, especially when you've got 1,000 artists to scroll through! I think this is why AC/DC is my preferred classic rock band.
The road shoulder warning tracks (you know, the ones that sound like you're driving on the railroad tracks - thumpa thumpa thumpa whump whump) come in handy. If not for those lovely warning bumps I would've driven my car onto a golf course by now! But I know if I was parked on the 9th hole I would be happy 'cause I'd be jammin' to "Sharp Dressed Man" by then.
2 comments:
Test again.
Love it! Reading your blog posts is like listening to you talk. Except now I have a mental picture stuck in my brain of someone trying to macrame (do people still do that?) while riding a unicycle.... Keep up the good work!
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